November 17th, 2017
Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been twenty-six days since my last confession.
We are now in Fall. The season when people cuddle up with their spouses, partners, and boy/girl friends to weather through the cold of the next two seasons. Some of those relationships are established, some are just starting out. Some are happy and some are not. When Spring arrives months later, some of those relationships are stronger than they were before Fall and some, unfortunately, never see the Spring. I will rejoice for those that see Spring and hope for their continuation, and for those that do not make it to Spring, I will hope that the two find love and added happiness soon.
I am less than a year away from achieving my Bachelor’s Degree in Information Technology. I signed up for my last five classes today, making my completion date October 9th, 2018. I am in week 9 of my 10-week classes which will be completed November 28th. My next two classes start December 6th. I am ever so close to getting my degree. Once that is completed, I will evaluate my job situation and decide then what to do. I am hoping to take a small vacation alone once I completed my degree. Not sure where though, at least not yet.
I have been doing some reflecting on my past and my past relationships; all of them. Through that search I have decided that I need to rethink how I see my past relationships. I take solace in the fact that I never walked away from a relationship at the first argument and I stick it out and talked and attempted to work things out, whatever they were. There is also one thing common in all my past relationships, and that is there have been bad times, there have been rough times, and there have been hurdles we have had to jump, but even with that, there were good times. There were many more good times than bad times, which is why most of my relationships lasted so long. In the past I have seen all my past relationships as failed relationships, and I believe I was in correct in that mindset. Those moments in time, provided me with lessons and understanding of what I want in a relationship, what I need in a relationship, and the type of relationship I want to be in. Those moments in time I will always cherish, because like many other experiences in my life time, they have made me the person I am today. Even typing this, I can feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I don’t know what the future holds for me as far as love and relationships go, but at this point I am not going to worry about it. I have always been okay alone and will continue to be not matter if that changes or not, because even alone, I AM successful, I AM whole, I AM strong, I AM loyal, I AM happy.
-Amen-
Confessions of a Lonely Black Gay Man 