November 20, 2012
Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I has been ninty-seven days since my last confession.
It has been sometime since my last post. For those who read this blog, I apologize. Since my last post, things have been looking up. I have started viral treatment and there have been very little side effects. Upset stomach and diarrhea, but only for a week and both were gone. My last visit showed my viral loads were down in the 300’s vice the 20K it was in when this all started. My T-cells are still at 570ish, but the doctor said that that will not start going up until the viral loads are lower. So, it is too early to tell on the T-cells. I am taking 3 pills once a day, all at the same time. So, things are “good” in that department. Physically I am fine, but I still have my days of feeling depressed and dealing with the fact that my dating life, sex life, and any chance as a meaningful, long last relationship is over. I was actually happy about same sex marriage being passed here in Washington State, but sad at the fact that I will never walk down an aisle with anyone. I just try and take it one day at a time as far as the mental aspect of it goes.
The house situation is still going on; still looking. I found a house that I liked. A small 1270sqft house, and put in a bid. I was a backup offer, so things didn’t seem too bright for me. As of now the house is in pending inspection for the first offer, so there is a good chance that house is lost to me. If, so then I guess I can only keep looking. The house is in the West Seattle area where I would like to live. Maybe I will find something else there if this does not go in my favor.
Work is okay, although I am starting to not be fond of the two ladies I work with. There is a lot of back stabbing and smiling in your face on my team of three. There is also some throwing under the bus. I have decided to start looking for another job, but in the same field just a different company. I have put in my application and am waiting to see what happens. I think when I get back; I will put in applications at other places also. Speaking of which…
I am flying out tomorrow to go see my family in Louisiana for the Thanksgiving holidays. My father side of the family started having family reunions on Thanksgiving each year. Each year it is at a different location. This year is in New Orleans, which is where I am from; sort of. I actually lived 45 minutes north of New Orleans, but have cousins, aunts, and uncles who live in New Orleans. So, it should be fun to see my cousins and enjoy some food and laughs. After New Orleans, I head to Arizona to see my mother. I will spend about two days there before returning to Washington State.
I am struggling with if I should tell my mother about my HIV status or not. I am not sure how she would take it. I know I will not tell my father or step mother. They had a hard time accepting the fact that I am gay. I just feel like they would turn it into something of a religious thing or my father would say something stupid that would just ruin our already strained relationship. She would be the one person I would tell and be able to talk to, but I think just telling her would be hard and I know she will have a ton of questions. I am not sure I am ready to go through all of that right now, but I will think more on it, since it will be another week before I see her.
I have been thinking about posting pictures on here; pictures of me, but am still a bit reluctant. Not sure why, but I am and just need to really think about it. I am posting a Green Lantern picture on here. I recently commissioned a guy to draw a cartoon of me as a Green Lantern. Silly, I know, but I have always wanted a picture of me like that, especially since I am a Green Lantern fan. I read comics books, but that is a story for another time. I am pretty impressed with the photo. I understand the picture can not look “EXACTLY” like me, but it is close enough and I love it. Hopefully, people who read this blog will see what I see in it and like it too. Well, I am off to pack and will try to do a better job at posting regularly. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!!
-Amen-
Me as a Green Lantern
Confessions of a Lonely Black Gay Man 